My Second

Last month as we were playing with our little girls, Melanie asked me if I felt like things were different now that I had a girl. I had to think about her question for a minute before I answered.

My eventual answer was yes, it's different. But I would argue that it's not because she's a girl, but because she's my second.

With Jayce, everything that he did was new and wonderful and fun. I was so excited about each new stage just to see what it would bring. I was sad sometimes, and I still am, but overall just kind of rolled with it in each new stage.

But with Hannah I seem to really appreciate whichever stage that she's in currently. Now that we've been through this before, I have a greater awareness of how short each of these little stages are and I want to revel in them. Instead of being sad about how soon it's going to end I spend my energy enjoying it now.

I read an article the other day where the writer was at the end of her pregnancy, and commenting about the impending exhaustion, busyness and boredom that come with having a newborn. I could relate to that a little bit. When Jayce was born it was the first time that I wasn't working in 13 years. The first few months I was so tired, and spent my days recording how long he would nurse, logging wet and dirty diapers, nap lengths, ounces gained, washing laundry, folding laundry, washing bottles, etc. I loved being home with him, yet I was still a little bit bored. I spent more time on Facebook in that first month than I ever had before, wondering what was going on in the lives of other people when my whole world revolved around these tasks.

But that is not the case with Hannah. I could play with her all day and not get bored. She has the most pleasant demeanor and is just the sweetest thing. Her huge grin is intoxicating. I could lay in bed talking to her, coaxing her into holding her head up, watching her roll over, and kissing those sweet hands and cheeks all day long.

Perhaps this has something to do with the reality that I can't do this all day long. I still have my biggest baby who needs me, and I love that Hannah naps well enough that I can give him my undivided attention for a few hours a day as well.

I've been using my time more inefficiently these days. Hannah falls asleep in my arms and I think, "Okay, now that she's asleep I can..." but I don't, and I'm fine with that. I'm creating less, cooking less, sleeping less.

But I'm snuggling more. I'm rocking more, reading more, lounging more, taking pictures more. I'm letting Jayce play with things that will make a mess. We spent one evening last week camped out on the floor reading, and it took over an hour to read 3 small books! (That wasn't easy. I wanted to rush him, but I let him enjoy the dawdling way that he likes to go through some of his books.)

So I imagine it is a little different with my second.

It's better perspective. It's better boundaries. It's less cute outfits and more comfy clothes. It's more takeout food.

And as for her being a girl? There are definitely more hair bows. And shoes. Already.

I know I said something earlier in the week about being concise, but I looooove these pictures and couldn't just post a few!